How to Survive the ApocEclypse: The Adult Guide

This was a week for the history books. First, it was cloudy and it rained every single day this week, which is highly unusual for us here in the desert, and second, I was trapped in my house with a toddler and a cantankerous 8 year old.

Then when it finally cleared for 2 seconds and I decided to venture out with my hoodlums, I would trip over myself, get stuck in traffic, dump all the contents of my purse while crossing the street with my grocery cart FULL of groceries, and then hold up traffic even more while they waited for me to pick up all ten thousand pieces of hair clips and credit cards and Band-Aids that had fallen out onto the wet asphalt.

I would go for a walk but it would start pouring and I would have a friend over so I don’t go crazy but then my fully potty trained kid would decide to sneak chocolate from the top shelf of my cupboards and pee himself while standing there and I’d be mopping up pee from my counter minutes before my guests arrived and that’s how it’s been.

That’s how it’s been and that’s how it was the day I decided to relax in a bath that my husband made for me, and I ended up with a big fat glob of candle wax IN. MY. HAIR (!!) and without a clue while I was relaxing. That TRUE STORY here.


That’s how it’s been at my house this week. And honestly, that’s how it’s been for too many weeks now.

Bazaaar.

It seems I’m not the only one with random probs. Lately my news feed has been riddled with crazy. Stories of people walking away from marriages and careers they’ve built for years…computers breaking, innocent people getting themselves into trouble, and even cool and calm Mothers losing their sh** and going off the Facebook rails in swear words and helpless despair.

My friend Ani’s kitchen cabinet fell off the wall yesterday. Like, completely FELL OFF her wall with all her glass jars of honey and heavy containers still IN IT, crashing and shattering all over her kitchen floor.

Like I said. Ba. zaarrr.

Crazy things have been happening and if I didn’t know better I’d think we were in Mercury or that aaaallll the planets were reversed this week and that this eclipse is actually THE apocalypse. For reals.

edit***

Just now while I was writing this blog and while I thought my toddler was in his room peacefully playing a tractor game, he was in fact “decorating” the family dog with Mod Podge and straight PINS, (yes, REALLY.) and in reality getting glue all over his room, the dog, the bed, the pillow, the carpet AND the blankets, all of which cost me no less than 16,579 brain cells and an hour and a half of cleaning and scrubbing and painstakingly picking up five hundred tiny little pins off the bedroom floor and the dog! after I had just. washed. the bedding NATURALLY and right before we were getting ready for out-of-town guests to stay in that room.

Yeah.

I don’t even know what to blame it on anymore but something crazy is going down and if we are to survive I think we’re gonna need a bit LOT of help from each other.

So I made a list of things that have helped me survive this crazy week month! and hopefully it will help all you other precious Moms and Dads who are losing their hair and their *sheet* (!!) due to unknown reasons of the universe and maybe we can all survive this thing together.

I like to call them the the 3 L’s of survival. Ok, so there’s an S in there too.

But trust me, we need it.

Stop. No really, STOP what you’re doing! Take a breath. Look around. Become aware. It seems so counter-intuitive because usually when these things happen, we are already running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off and we’re running late already, but sometimes all it takes is just to stop for 2 1/2 seconds and gather ourselves together. Regroup. Take a step back. Give yourself a chance to evaluate what’s happening, Stop until you can smile and then…start over. It’s important.

Listen. This goes along with the first one, but is probably even more important and sadly the one I ignore the most. I’m learning though. I’m learning that when things hit the fan its better to stop and listen for the lesson, than to charge ahead with my plans at that time. I’m learning that everything has a reason and sometimes it takes an event of catastrophic proportions to get our attention before we’ll listen.  We cannot change if we do not learn and we can’t learn if we do not listen, so next time something crazy happens, take a minute to breathe and tune in. There’s always a bigger picture, which brings me to the next point.

Learn. Learn what it is that the universe/God is trying to tell you. Sometimes it’s just simply to slow down. Sometimes it’s much more complex than that and sometimes you’ll see that it’s been knocking on your door for awhile, but you haven’t been listening. Take notes. Find the common theme. Is it forgiving yourself? Being human and not taking yourself so serious? Is it becoming more honest with your feelings, needs, boundaries? Is it stubborness or pride in not being willing to move with life? These are all things we can learn in the chaos and disruptions of this eclipse season.

Laugh. While this is one of my very favorite things and I love LOVE to laugh, I have to admit it’s still sometimes hard for me to do so when something really stupid happens. I feel SO MUCH BETTER though, when I can just giggle about my mishaps and mistakes (or in this case, my kids’s!) Don’t you? We all know that laughter is good medicine and sometimes it even cures a bad day-I-mean-MONTH. So go ahead. Laugh at your kids’s irritating behavior. Watch a funny movie. Listen to your favorite comedian. Shake it off, enjoy life, have fun, and keep lol’ing your way through this crap.

You’re gonna make it.

The end.

How about you? Have you been feeling the crazy lately? How are you surviving this Eclipse season? Share your tips, my darlings!

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