It’s been a bit chaotic around here.
Baby boy’s been squealing from bellyaches, Beanstalk’s been asking “why” and I’ve been jostling and juggling and answering questions. I’ve been chopping veggies, packing lunches, and buttoning up princess dresses with one hand, bouncing baby in the other….Holding and swaddling, explaining and swaying.
I’ve been returning phone calls, taking orders, and running a business, ALL while nursing an infant. Rushing one child to school while keeping the other one calm. Getting one up. Putting the other one down…
You know. That kind of chaotic.
The kind of chaotic that dangles you over the edge of insanity if you don’t quickly learn to accept the mess. The kind that leaves you in a constant state of desperation, if you don’t soon learn to let go of your ideals and your boxes and the way that life “should be.”
And so I am learning.
I am learning that it is better to embrace the chaos, than to fight it. To enjoy it, rather than to resist it.
I am learning to laugh in the face of frustration. To breathe through the crying and the not sleeping and the not knowing, because there are still a lot of reasons to smile. And there are still a few things I know.
I know that this won’t last forever.
I know that this stressful, sleep-less season of our lives is only temporary and that eventually the bouncing and the bellyaches end and our babies will grow up.
I know that ten years from now, we will hardly remember the screaming and the stress of these chaotic times.
We will only remember the smiles.
We won’t remember the nights spent in rest-less pacing or the hours in anxious praying. Only the kisses and the chatter and the joy that came in the morning. Every morning.
When I see the present in light of the future, I know that I am okay.
I know that I have the best of friends and the dearest of family who are there to help me, to bring me chocolate, and to make me laugh.
I know that I love my children more than anything, and that I would not survive without the man that they call Daddy.
I know that love is all we have and it will triumph a thousand sleep-less nights.
At the end of the day, I know that life is not meant to be thoroughly planned out or even prepared for. It is only to be received as a gift, no matter how challenging or amazing it is.
Through it all, I know that God is still good and life is still beautiful. No matter how chaotic it gets.